Out With The Old…

It's New Year's Eve, and I'm spending it deep cleaning my house. I've been working on "good enough" instead of "perfect" all year, my kitchen and bathroom certainly reflect the achievement. I usually have a Sisyphean outlook about cleaning, given that I have three kids and lack the assistance of Alice from The Brady Bunch.  … Continue reading Out With The Old…

Integration

Writing about the nature of abuse along with my own personal experience of it has been an extremely helpful tool for me to better integrate who I am. For a long time, I distracted myself from going there, knowing full well that when I did, it would be intense. Eventually, that strategy failed and I … Continue reading Integration

Actually, It Was That Bad

Recently, I wrote about the ways "It's not that bad" has kept me from owning and validating the true cost of my traumatic past. There have been times I have envied those with physical trauma because they received all the validation and support that was denied me as a survivor of psychological trauma. There are … Continue reading Actually, It Was That Bad

Grateful To Be Ungrateful

Gratitude is popular in self-help and spiritual circles, and it's easy to see why. Grateful people are easy to be around. Gratitude spreads to others and offers perspective. It feels good and puts positivity in the world. It can also be a huge obstacle for those healing from trauma. In this season of my life … Continue reading Grateful To Be Ungrateful

That Familiar Pain

After many years of carrying the emotional burden of narcissistic abuse, it's no wonder I am often debilitated with frequent neck and shoulder aches and migraines. I know where they come from. I know why I get them. I've lived with them most of my life. My vision blurs. Sometimes, like right now, every sound … Continue reading That Familiar Pain

100 Reasons It’s Important to Speak Up

Today I celebrate my 100th post on I Have Something to Say. I started this blog only six months ago as a way to reclaim my own voice, and to sort out my thoughts as I heal from the long term effects of childhood trauma. Like many others, I was coerced into silence by my … Continue reading 100 Reasons It’s Important to Speak Up

Before Forgiveness

One of the most common non-helpful responses to someone suffering from the fallout of abuse is to push the victim toward forgiveness too soon. Usually it's coupled with some form of shame that the victim "should" feel something other than whatever she is feeling. Sometimes, it's coupled with well-meaning platitudes- "It's the Christian thing to … Continue reading Before Forgiveness

A Celebration

Today, I am celebrating my blog's six month anniversary. In the last six months, I've written almost 100 posts (this is #96). I've also gained a new community of amazing supporters. I've have received several notes over the months from those who can relate, and those who have shared my blog to help a friend. … Continue reading A Celebration

Bracing for the Second Wound

I imagine most of my posts this week will be about processing the almost-crash we experienced, here. I've been doing my best to manage things as they come up, and I am realizing just how much extra time and space I need to allow myself right now. The tension, exhaustion, and nightmares are back. I … Continue reading Bracing for the Second Wound

Hate Couch, Part Four

*If you would like to read parts one, two, and three about hate couch, go here, here, and here. I was talking to my husband the other day about hate couch, and how I feel I am ready to let it go. It has been sitting in our garage the last couple months, with the … Continue reading Hate Couch, Part Four